By the time I came to Al‑Anon, I had given away so much of myself that I wasn’t even sure who I was anymore. I had forfeited my time, interests, needs, and self-worth, all in feeble efforts to please the alcoholics and others in my life. I learned in Al‑Anon that I have value and worth, and that I need to protect myself by setting limits and boundaries.

The concept of detachment was baffling to me when I first stepped through the doors of Al‑Anon. Were these people asking me to change the way I thought and viewed the world, the way I’d learned as a child? How could I detach from the alcoholics and still love them? How could I allow them to suffer the consequences of their actions—was that really loving?

I remember in my first Al-Anon meetings hearing people say, “To thine own self be true.” This was confusing to